Homer has trouble picking out a birthday gift for Lisa and decides to hire a private detective to help him find out more about his daughter.

After being mugged, Marge takes her feelings of weakness to the basement, where she begins to take steroids and work out obsessively.

Homer decides to lead a life of prayer in the hopes of getting on God's good side after becoming jealous of Ned and his sanctified way of living.

When Bart finds out that he was a child actor when he was younger but that Homer blew all of the money he made, he takes his father to court and moves out.

When Bob notices that he is losing his hair, Linda thinks back on how his mustache was what made her fall for him in the first place.

Bob is excited about the Land Ship parade bringing him more business until he learns that port-o-potties are being put out in front of the restaurant.

When Louise admits that she has never felt scared before, the family goes to a haunted house in an effort to change that, but mayhem ensues after their visit.

Bob goes to pick up Gayle so she does not miss the Thanksgiving celebration, but gets caught in a snowstorm coming back, leaving Linda to prepare the turkey.

After a mall Santa threatens to put them on his "Naughty List," Gene, Tina, and Louise put together a musical performance to get onto the "Nice List."

Bob hosts a dinner party and tries to bond with his new friend, but Gayle uses the occasion to introduce her new romantic interest, who has a past with Louise.

A former flame reveals that Brian has a son, but he quickly infuriates the Griffin household when he brings his unruly offspring home.

Peter's new pet parrot leads him to start acting like a pirate; Chris falls for a beautiful intern while accompanying Brian to the veterinarian.

Brian meets his dream girl and decides to take things slow, but his hesitancy in taking the next step causes her to pursue romance with Cleveland.

When Peter goes searching through every record store in Quahog for an annoying song, he comes across the familiar face of the one and only Jesus Christ.

Brian and Stewie follow Mort through a time machine, but they wind up in Poland on the day of the Nazi invasion with no way back to their own time.

The family decides to make a road trip to the Grand Canyon, but accidentally leaves one of their own behind, prompting a mad dash back to Quahog.

Peter brings home a new dog after an injury to Brian leads the family to worry that he may be getting too old, but the younger pup quickly runs afoul of Stewie.

Peter's boss sends him back to third grade to qualify for a promotion; Brian, Frank Sinatra Jr. and Stewie get together and open the coolest club in Quahog.

Bonnie finally gives birth to a baby girl; Stewie falls for the newborn and will do anything for her; Joe borrows money from a bookie to pay the bills.

Peter participates in medical experiments to make extra cash, and one of the injections leads him to find a new mate and leave a heartbroken Lois behind.